Does any of this sound familiar on your first date?
- Forced conversation
- Awkward silences
- Eyes darting around the room
- Uncomfortable fidgeting
- Playing with food
- Desperately waiting for the bill
So what are the keys to first date success?
How can you change your dating experience forever to have fun, flow and be an enjoyable experience?
The first date can be a stop-start motion without flow and neither person really has any clue about what the other is thinking.
This lends itself to all kinds of useless self-talk and likely to have each person wondering whether they will ever connect with someone they can fall in love with, or end up at the doctor’s office with low self-esteem, self-doubt and asking “what is wrong with me?”
Your 3 Keys for first date success all start with what you do BEFORE the first date!
Do you find yourself walking away from a date wondering how it is you even ended up sitting across from somebody you never want to see again?
Or even worse feeling like the date of your dreams thinks you’re a total loser because you were too nervous to talk like a normal person?
Or maybe you sit there re-writing your list in your mind, daydreaming about what the next one will be like?
One of the biggest contributions to modern psychology from all self-help materials in the last 20 years is that we can choose the way we think and by changing our thinking we can change our lives and experience.
By changing our attitude we change our biology and behaviour which is what other people respond to. So getting your own head clear about what you want and getting into a state that is magnetic toward your compatible partner is the golden key.
Key 1 – Be clear about what you want
- Before your date, get clear on the qualities you are most attracted to. e.g. Adventurous, healthy, fun, funny, reliable, open, share the same goals as you do etc.
- Get clear on your list. Get your framework of what you want to experience clear in your mind. This is your own personal equation to love and with this, you will be happy when these qualities are matched and if they are not matched you know they are just not someone right for you.
Key 2 – Put yourself into a state of gratitude
Be thankful and be grateful that there are people out there who are searching for love just like you.
Have a healthy mindset, it has been said, to achieve perfection all we have to do is adjust our perception. And I know I know, we all want our perfect partner, so this will mean leaving your judgemental self at home. When you are on a date, focus on fun, being playful and being in the present with your date. Your light-hearted approach on dates will have you attracting the person who will ultimately be right for you.
How can you do this?
- Simply connect with yourself and imagine a time when you were really grateful for receiving something you did not ask for or imagine a time when you were just so thrilled that something great has happened.
- Notice your body, feel the feelings, see the colours, smell the aromas, see the visions and hear the words that fill you with joy, then breathe it in and carry that with you.
The state of gratitude is solitude for our ego. When we are grateful, our body chemistry and energy will naturally lean towards contentment and joy, and because we all respond to non-verbal communication your presence will only be very attractive to your date.
Key 3 – Be yourself
There is nothing sexier than a man or woman who is at peace with who they are. Understand that ‘‘be yourself’ really means, be the best version of you’.
- Own your golden and not so golden qualities.
- If you’re the awkward type then let yourself be awkward.
- If there’s something you don’t like about yourself, do something about it.
- If you feel you are a few kilos too heavy go and exercise and shed some weight.
- If you don’t like your fashion sense go and find someone who can assist you.
We are human and humans are full of emotions and desires so we must honour who we are. But remember, only make changes in your life because you are happy to do so not because someone said so.
The actions you take must align with what you want. If it’s a perfect partner you long for, then be the perfect you, be the best version of you for your perfect partner to notice you.
Prepare some questions to assist you in showing up the best version of you. It is impermeable your questions align to Key 1.
For example, if you are looking for someone active, fit, adventurous, who wants a family etc..
- Why is it easy and natural for me to have someone active and healthy as a partner?
- Why is it that having a family of my own makes me happy?
- Why is it natural for me to be with someone adventurous?
Remember to have a two-way conversation, be interested in your date regardless of whether they are for you or not.
This kind of attitude will only assist you in finding your true love.
Have fun on your first date and stay tuned for Keys to locking in a second date.
Written by: Ani (Anikiko) Neradilkova At Vital Partners we guide and advise our clients on how to make the most of their dates. Find out more about how we can help you find happiness here at Vital Partners.
Got a question for Ani or have some tips of your own? Or maybe some stories on dates that didn’t go so well? We’d love you to share your thoughts with us.