5 Ways to Initiate Sex


Whether you’re a man or woman, you have physical and emotional needs. A longing for that intimate connection is extremely important in life. However, if you and your partner aren’t initiating sex as often as you’d like, how do you go about it? Pillow talk is still seen as a topic of taboo or somewhat of an embarrassing subject to discuss however it’s probably the only way you’ll communicate your true feelings to each other in a relationship. In fact, a psychological study shows ‘pillow talk is as important as sex.’

Some women may feel initiating sex is a man’s job and therefore, are hesitant to bring it up. At the start of a new relationship, some people may feel shy when it comes to initiating sex and find it a difficult topic to talk about. It can definitely be an awkward subject to touch on but many don’t realise how important it is to establish your physical connection at the start of a relationship. Celeste Morales, writer of Fine Magazine says, “Understanding these benefits will help couples recognize that sex in their relationships will not only help themselves, but help bond their relationship further and create a deeper sense of intimacy in a loving relationship.”

So how do you get over this obstacle and start discussing sex with your partner without feeling insecure?

It may seem like an obvious statistic that men are more sex-forward than women however it isn’t all about physical pleasure for men. In a survey that Sheila Gregoire (The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex) conducted, one man in particular said “Men don’t want to be placated; they want to be wanted.” Paul Byerly, writer of Generous Husband has also said “For men sex communicates love and acceptance, while a lack of sex communicates the opposite. I realise this is not usually what women are communicating with sex and saying no, but it is what men feel. Even when you convince a man this is not what she means, he will still feel it.

When a man feels a good sexual connection with his wife he starts to want other forms of intimacy. Not tolerate, want. The need was always there, but it is hard to hear over the much louder need for sexual intimacy.” Therefore, the need for physical connection is so much more than pleasure, it’s also about sexual expression and emotional bonding.

The following are 5 ways to initiate sex with your partner whether you’re a man or woman.

Show Enthusiasm

Actions speak louder than words, therefore when it comes to initiating sex, you need to show some sort of enthusiasm. For example, lying in bed with your back to your partner while on your phone is definitely not a sign of enthusiasm. Instead, you can face towards your partner and give them 100% of your attention by talking or caressing them. Initiating sex isn’t about showing your partner that you want sex, it’s reminding yourself that you want it as well and that you have the confidence to show that. Having insecurities in a physical relationship can hinder the emotional relationship as you’re constantly having to hide your needs as a human being. Don’t be afraid to speak out and show your excitement.


If you’re afraid of verbally communicating that you want intimate connection, physically show your partner instead. Cook a sexy dinner with some candles lit and show your partner that you’re in the mood for some loving. If you’re not shy when it comes to pillow talk, then simply tell your partner - however, remember not to be aggressive about it. Communicate your feelings and wants in a way that is sensual and loving.

New Bedsheets

Everyone knows how good it feels to lie in a bed spread that has just been changed. Surprise your partner with new bedsheets and spark up the courage to initiate sex. Again, never be aggressive about it - perhaps teasing your partner in your new lingerie or sending a text message during the day that shows your intentions can be a great way to show you’re interested. Building up hype can increase your excitement even further!

Be Regular

Initiating sex is even harder to do when you haven’t done it in a while. As couples grow, they may feel as though they don’t need to have sex as often as they would at the beginning of the relationship. Having regular sex not only strengthens your physical connection and relationship, it also makes getting into the mood easier. Remember to never ever make it seem like a chore or that sex is scheduled as this rids the fun of spontaneity.


If you’ve been in a relationship for a while and you feel your sex life is no longer passionate, why not try something new? Experimenting with different things in your sex life can definitely spark up the fire between your relationship as long as you both remember to have boundaries and communicate extremely clear with one another. Never do something that you are uncomfortable with and don’t ever be afraid to speak up.

Sex should never be a topic of taboo, it is such an important part of relationships, you should be able to speak about it freely with your partner without feeling judged or vulnerable. We hope these tips can help you initiate sex in an easier manner.

Vital Partners