Frankly, in dating, and in life… rejection is inevitable. There are so many variables at play that no one is 100% a match for everyone.
Reminds me of the quote, “You can be the sweetest, juiciest, ripest peach in the world, but there will always be someone who hates peaches.”
Having said that, it is important to learn to deal with rejection in dating. If it is not handled properly, the risk of spiralling down in life is high.
Yes, it is going to happen. No matter who you are, you are going to get rejected by someone. There’s no use pouting and getting sad over being rejected. Sounds harsh? Yep. I felt the same when I had my first rejection.
Life coach Jeanine says, “People’s first response when faced with rejection is to think negatively and blame themselves. But that is simply not true. Rejection simply means a lack of compatibility. But we self-sabotage by blaming ourselves. This is responsible for the destruction of self-image.”
Okay, let’s first discuss why rejection happens and what it means for you…
According to evolutionary psychologists, it started with our ancestors when they were hunters and gatherers living in tribes. It was impossible for a person to survive alone, and rejection meant being ostracized from the tribe— a death sentence.
We started developing an early warning mechanism to let us know when we were in danger. And we came to evolve believing that rejection is a bad thing, a painful thing, something to be avoided. Because being rejected means being isolated from others, and not being able to pass on the genes. It was equivalent to death in ancient society.
This is why you feel bad after getting rejected. You don’t feel that way because you are weak or over-sensitive, it is nature. Our bodies evolved to hate and avoid rejection at all costs.
Marriage celebrant Johan says, “It usually takes compatibility for us to be attracted to each other. But since we evolved to shun rejection, we do anything we can to avoid rejection. But as my experience hosting marriages says, it always takes the willingness to face rejection to find the perfect partner.”
With that knowledge comes, your ultimate power. It is true, in the past rejection was equivalent to a death sentence in the hunter-gatherer society. I mean, tribes were small, social circles were small. Other people’s approval meant survival, disapproval and rejection meant death in those days.
But we have moved far far away from that society. We are globally connected. With a tap of a button, we can connect with millions of other people, if not billions.
But, evolution has not caught up with this advancement. Hence, you still feel horrible when you’re rejected. It is your default and natural instinct.
So, what should you do when faced with rejection?
In a sentence, “Get a thick skin!”
Let’s talk about that in detail below…
- Rejection is Not Personal
Getting rejected hurts. It knocks your ego. You might even start to question yourself – but you need to make sure that this lasts temporarily before shaking it off and letting it go.
Listen, you’re not going to be compatible with everyone. Not everybody likes peaches.
Rejection doesn’t have anything to do with you. It doesn’t mean that you are not kind, smart, beautiful or funny. You are who you are. It is just that the other person is not looking or doesn’t prefer those qualities in a partner. Different people are out there looking for different things.
Remember, everyone’s choices differ. Thus, there’s no point in taking rejection personally. In the end, rejection simply means you are not compatible with the other person.
Use that knowledge to connect with more people and find out the people with who you are compatible.
- Don’t Go Back to Your Shell
It is easy to go back into your shell after the sting of rejection. You start making negative assumptions and putting everyone in the same box. If you start saying to yourself things like “this always happens to me” or “no-one wants me” – snap out of it because you are generalizing.
If such a statement pops into your head, take a moment to question it. Is the statement really true? Are there times when this was not the case? When you approach a new person, make sure you go with a blank canvas and an open mind.
Never let anything or anyone taint your views. Always remain open-minded and positive. You won’t be helping yourself by hiding away. You might think you are protecting yourself by hiding, but you are actually achieving the opposite.
- It’s Okay for Things to Not Make Sense
After getting rejected – this is even more relevant the bigger the rejection is – always keep in mind that you don’t have to make it a mystery that you have to solve.
Humans have this habit where they have to search for complex answers or explanations, overanalyzing everything in the process. In most cases, you are not going to know the answers. Accept this and just let it go.
Handling rejection means changing how your respond.
As we said earlier, rejection is not personal. But many people believe it is. That’s a false belief and needs to change.
If you get rejected in the future – no matter how small or big the rejection is – and you start noticing your head doing the negative self-talk, then remind yourself—rejection is not personal.
There might have been a million reasons why you got rejected. Instead of dwelling on the rejection, do something that you love and enjoy.
Sam from Series of Events Australia says, “We have hosted hundreds of events in Australia and I can say that we have helped thousands of people who wouldn’t have met otherwise. Love for music, arts or other passions is a great way to find your soul-mate.”
In the end, we are all living in our own worlds with our own preferences. And it is okay to get rejected. Being rejected simply means we are not compatible with another person. Being rejected isn’t a time to sulk away and isolate yourself. Rather, it is time to buckle up and keep looking for your compatible partner. Keep searching. Keep approaching. Or contact a dating agency to help you find the love you want.