While it’s good to have a spontaneous approach to first dates and let the conversation flow naturally, there are certain subjects that are almost guaranteed to ruin the mood or create the wrong impression. Here are the five major questions you try your hardest to avoid when you’re on a first date with a new guy.
- “What happened in your last relationship?” Just as it is poor dating etiquette to start talking about the history of your own love life, you shouldn’t ask a man to spill all the details on his last breakup. For one thing, it’s not a great idea to force a man to ruminate on his ex while spending time with you, especially if there are any lingering feelings on his side. In addition, this is a very intimate question that will doubtless have a complex answer that is far too personal to ask on your first date.
- “How many kids do you want to have?” No matter why you ask this question, it basically sounds like you’re proposing that you have kids together (which is obviously a ridiculous suggestion after one date). In addition, questions like this don’t take into consideration personal sensitivities, such as struggles with infertility or the previous loss of a child. While these topics are all very important, they’re not first date material. It’s good to show interest in the passions and goals of the person you’re with, but keep the questions open and non-invasive in the early days.
- “How much money do you make?” This is a tactless question that can both embarrass your date and make him feel like you’ve only used a dating agency to find someone who can provide material benefits. If he isn’t particularly proud of his salary, he may feel ashamed. Meanwhile, if you come across like a gold-digger then he’s going to be suspicious of your motives from here on out.
- “How many sexual partners have you had?” Some people think you should never ask your partner about their past sexual relationships (as long as they’re certified as disease-free). However, no matter what your stance on future discussions of sex, it’s pretty clear you shouldn’t ask details on a man’s sexual experience on a first date. It’s tacky, none of your business at this point, and even if he reacts positively it may be because he now assumes he’ll be going back to your place after dinner!
- “Where do you see this relationship going?” At least give the man a chance to process your first date for demanding that he set out a plan for your future! It’s entirely premature to ask about the direction of the relationship during the first encounter set up by an introduction agency, as it’s contentious whether there even is a relationship to speak of. While it’s good to know what you want from a romance, taking a more measured, laid-back attitude to the early days of dating is likely to produce better results.