There are many reasons why both men and women may learn to stop speaking up for their sexual desires and needs. This can create a certain amount of confusion in an intimate relationship. Our partners may not know how to interpret our silence. Are we not interested, not as attracted as we once were? Sometimes partners will wait for the other to initiate sex because this makes them feel more desirable. Sometimes we just can’t find the words – or muster up the courage – to have the conversation. If you want to be intimate with someone and somehow just can’t come out and say it, there can be more subtle ways of getting things moving.
You can come out and admit to the fact that you’re shy, a vulnerability can be a real turn-on for many women and men. There are those who find shyness attractive. Whatever the case in your own relationship, you will at least break the ice by owning up to your fear. This will also open up opportunities to discuss the possible deeper reasons for it. Are you afraid that you might be rejected? Do you feel embarrassed even admitting to your desires? Risk-taking makes intimacy juicy. What may seem like a frightening confession at first may actually heat things up with your significant other. Oftentimes, honesty is a powerful aphrodisiac.
There may be reasons why you can’t initiate such a dialogue, however. Sex, after all, is not something that our culture generally encourages us to talk about. But there are other possible approaches. You could send a text that alludes to your wants without actually revealing them. A simple message that says “Having a rough day. So looking forward to seeing you tonight,” can get your point across. With such a text, you’re telling your partner that you’re thinking of him/her while also slyly broaching the idea of being intimate.
You could casually mention a recent sexual encounter that the two of you had. Compliment your partner for it – and be specific about what you particularly enjoyed about the experience. This puts the subject of sex on the table when you’re feeling too shy to plainly suggest it. It gets thoughts and feelings moving in that direction. You can achieve a similar result by talking about what you like about your sex life together, in general.
Be aware that you can use any of your partner’s advances as an opening, too. Return every kiss wholeheartedly. Respond to every touch; be reciprocal. Make sounds that reveal how your partner is making you feel when you’re too shy to verbalise such things. Remember, also, that flirting and teasing can be vital parts of any relationship – no matter how long partners have been together. If none of these approaches works, you might consider one of the coyest tactics: Suggest watching a movie that you know contains a couple of really steamy scenes. Let the film push the topic of sex into the room when you find you’re unable to bring it up yourself.