Ideally, a first date should involve a good balance between the needs and preferences of both parties. However, even when you’re well-matched through a dating agency, you may find yourself dealing with men who either come on way too strong or seem incredibly timid. Thankfully, there are strategies you can employ to help you cope with both ends of the spectrum.
Dealing with a man who comes on too strong
If he tries to insist that he gets to choose the restaurant, pick your food or otherwise dominate the progression of the date and you’re not liking it, first try politely but firmly making suggestions to the contrary. If he continues to try and force his preferences onto you, it might be worth explicitly saying that you prefer if you too can make the choice. If he backs off at this point, there may still be hope! He may simply have been trying to play up to the stereotype of the confident, sexy guy.
If he comes on too strong by acting like the date will necessarily conclude with sex, he might have a different set of experiences and expectations. If he is polite and understanding when you make it clear that you’ll be going home alone, he may not be so bad after all. However, any man who ever pressures you into getting physically intimate or speaks like you “owe” him sex is not a man worth dating again in the future.
If the problem is that your date acts like he’s going to be the father of your children after you’ve only spent ten minutes together, you might have the urge to run for the hills! Once again, the key is to be direct of your preference and what’s important to you, maybe that getting to know someone better is important to you. He may well be embarrassed by his over-zealous approach and take a step back. If not, you might want to make a graceful exit before he decides to make a marriage proposal on the second date.
Dealing with a man who is overly timid
If you’re struggling to get a man to even speak in full sentences on a date, try to have some empathy for the fact that he may have dealt with a lot of rejection or may be new to using an introduction agency. Asking easy, open questions and making it clear that dates make you nervous as well may help him to relax.
If you want a man to take the initiative when pursuing you and yet he always waits for you to make the moves, he is either nervous about being turned down or just trying to be gentlemanly (i.e. the opposite of the man who comes on too strong!). You may just have to let him know that you’d love him to be the one to suggest a date location next time or drop the hint that surprise calls delight you.